my lovely,
by Synesthesiae
Summary: they make a pact to relieve them of their lonesome only it isn't so easy...
1. Chapter 1

The light from the fireplace flickered and the woods cracked shooting out tiny sparks. Outside, a storm was coming with raindrops battering relentlessly against the window.

Thunder sounded in the distance and it woke her. She turned to her side, saw him gone. She reached over to confirm her suspicion. The spot he vacated was still warm; he just recently got up. Slowly, she pulled herself up using the white sheets as cover for her naked frame. Then getting off the bed, she proceeded down the stairs with the blankets wrapped around her slender body.

It was dark downstairs but she knew where to look. Walking confidently toward the door to his studies, she could see a band of light from underneath said door. She brought up her hand and rapped her knuckles gently against it.

A soft voice told her to come in. She opened the door and stepped in.

He was sitting in his chair, all curled up, with a book in his hands. The fireplace provided him with warmth and comfort. A mug of some sort of drink was laid close by. She looked at him.

"It's 3 A.M.," she said.

"I know." He smiled tiredly. "I couldn't sleep so I figured I should use my time wisely."

She glanced around his library. "How many times have you reread these books?" she asked.

"More than I can count."

"Don't you get bored?"

"Not really. These are all my favorites. I can read them over and over again with no problem."

"You really are a detective freak," she said chuckling.

But he wasn't amused. He stared at her before returning to his book.

She knew she'd said the wrong thing.

"Shinichi-"

"It's alright," he said then suddenly closed his book. "It's just that _she_ used to call me the exact same thing."

She didn't know what to say.

"Once in a while, she'd come here and clean the shelves. I didn't ask her to but she said if she didn't do it then who would?" he said. His eyes had a faraway look as he inspected the red sparks flying from the fireplace.

She stepped closer to him, touched his mug. It's still warm. Bringing it to her lips, she took sips. It was pineapple juice.

"Come back to bed, Shinichi," she said touching his arm. "You have a long day tomorrow."

He turned to look at her, offered a soft smile and said, "I think I'm going to read for a bit more. I'll join you soon."

She nodded, put down his mug and walked out. She knew he wasn't coming back to bed and in the morning when the storm's over and the sun's shining brightly, he'd be gone.

* * *

A fellow scientist who'd had a crush on her since forever decided to ask her out for dinner.

Her girlfriend encouraged her to accept it. "He's so cute," Yuna cooed as if she's talking to a baby. "You got to accept it!"

"I don't feel that way toward him," Shiho said matter-of-factly.

"You never know. Your feeling might change. What if you found a common interest over dinner? What if he made a perfect companion? You never know what the future holds," Yuna said grinning.

Shiho turned back to her monitor. "I don't have time for that," she said.

Yuna pursed her lips. "Please, Shiho. You have to live a little! You can't bury your life in the lab forever."

"I'm so close to making a breakthrough. I need to be focused, Yuna."

"Well, that can wait. You're still young and beautiful so enjoy your youth while it lasts."

Shiho pondered for a moment. She wondered what Shinichi's doing tonight. Would he be free to have dinner or would he stay late at work again leaving her all by herself?

She also couldn't help wondering if any girl made a move on the famous detective. After all, he's handsome, intelligent, charming and single. Definitely a target for his female colleagues.

"Shiho?" Yuna called, snapping her back to reality.

"I'll give it a try," Shiho said and her friend gave her a hug and a huge grin.

"You have to show me what you're wearing tonight!"

* * *

A simple black dress that hugged her slender frame in a way that it flattered her curve. The lace back gave a sensual feel and the low-cut in front drew eyes to her defined collarbones. She turned in front of the mirror to have a better look at herself. She was beautiful, she knew. Her emerald-green eyes shone brightly. Her short reddish-brown hair was put in a loose bun that was kept in place by a jade pin. She was in the process of putting on a diamond necklace when he walked past their room.

He stopped short in the hallway. The door was left ajar so he pushed it open further.

She glanced back, saw him and a couple of folders tucked in the crook of his elbow. She turned back to her task.

"Keeping yourself busy tonight, my detective?" she asked. The necklace looked good on her. It complimented the dark dress so she decided to use it but she was having problem with the clasp.

"Here, let me," he offered. Putting the folders down on their bed, he stepped behind her, took the necklace from her hand and worked the clasp.

She titled her head down to give him better lightning and closed her eyes at the feel of his hands on her skin.

"This clasp is so small," he muttered.

She chuckled. "Come on, don't let a clasp defeat you," she said. Then she heard a tiny _click!_ sound. He got it.

"You look beautiful," he said staring at her reflection.

She looked up.

 _Together_ , they were beautiful. He was a head taller than her. His dark, soft, slightly disheveled hair complimented his bright azure eyes. He had high cheekbones just like her. And she had foreign features thanks to her mother. Her unnatural reddish-brown hair along with her green eyes set her apart. Together, they would make a beautiful family.

But that would never, ever happen.

He let his hands rest on her small shoulders. She wanted to stay that way. Suddenly, she didn't want to go to dinner with the fellow scientist at all.

"He's a lucky guy," Shinichi said, grinning. He dropped his hand. Her heart skipped a beat.

Shinichi turned and picked up his folders. "Have fun," he said before walking out. "Don't stay out too late or I'm going to find you."

"Please, I can take care of myself," she said.

He grinned again. "I know." The door closed behind him.

She thought she was going to faint. She knew the date was necessary; something, a catalyst to help her move on. She couldn't be stuck in this limbo state. He might be okay with it only because he wasn't taking this seriously. She was.

She felt like crying but Shiho never cried easily.

* * *

Small talks were passed over the still candlelight. Food was great. Steak was well done. Wine was on point. He was well-dressed. His dark brown hair was slicked back stylishly, unlike the unruly look he often donned in lab. He wore a dark pink shirt with black tie and black trousers. His shoes were shining as if he'd spent hours polishing them, something he'd shyly admitted.

It was casual conversation in a four-stars restaurant. He complimented her and said he felt inspired by her. She didn't know why. She asked and he said it's because she's a capable woman and in the science field, she could stand on her own feet. She was confident in every theory she proposed.

He fell in love with her the first time he saw her argue for her theory.

While he was talking, confessing his love to her on their first date, knowing that it's way too early for that but he did it anyway, she sat up straight with her emerald-green eyes glued to his dark almond eyes. Her hand elegantly held the glass of red wine. She felt light-headed but she liked it. Her silence encouraged him on. But the whole time, she was imagining Shinichi speaking those words, not her date.

When he was confessing, it was Shinichi's face and mouth that spoke them. Suddenly, she felt sick. She put up her hand and said, "Excuse me. I need to use the ladies' room."

"Is everything okay?" her date asked worriedly but she waved him off.

"Yeah. It's probably just the wine."

Staring at her image in the mirror, she saw how beautiful she looked that night. She felt irresistible. Was that why he said he loved her right on the spot? She could feel many eyes befall her on she walked in.

She held many men's interest, just not the one she truly wanted.

"Hello?"

"What are you doing?"

"At home, working on my case. What's wrong, Shiho? Aren't you supposed to be on a date?" Shinichi's voice sounded concerned over the phone.

She turned herself sideway and leaned against the wall next to the bathroom's door.

"I was," she said. "I don't feel good anymore so I want to go home."

"Is he not able to drive you back?" Logical question. He'd picked her up so he could drive her back.

Shiho played with the hem of her short, tight-fitting dress. She didn't want to say the words but if she didn't then he wouldn't come.

After all, she wasn't that important to him.

"The date is technically not over yet," she said. "He might be upset that I want to leave early. And to be frank, I'm kind of afraid to go back with him."

A pause.

"Wait there. I'm coming."

She had never felt more relieved in her life.

Her date threw Shinichi a nasty look as the latter got out of the car, took off his dark leather jacket and wrapped it around Shiho's naked shoulders.

"I could've driven her back," he barked.

Shiho turned and smiled softly at him. "I didn't want to bother you. You have work tomorrow, right? Go home and rest. Thank you for the dinner." Shinichi opened the door and she got in, still feeling the pierced look that her date's giving her.

She could tell that whatever love he had for her was going down the drain.

As they were cruising on the highway, Shiho pulled his jacket closer to her and rested her head on the seat. The radio was on, some soft music was playing in the background. As she was closing her eyes, he spoke, "Wanna talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about," she answered.

"Shiho, you're talking to a detective."

"Exactly. That's why there's nothing to talk about."

A pause.

"Did something happen?"

She sighed, slightly moving about in her seat. "Why would you assume that?"

"You cut the date short. He didn't seem bad. Quite gentlemanly, if you ask me. He seem genuinely upset, though, that another guy had to come pick up his date while it was his duty to take her back safe and sound."

"Wow, sounds like you should date him then. I still have his number, you know."

He chuckled. "So you're alright?" He turned the wheel. They were turning into an exit.

"I am," she replied. "Nothing happened. I wasn't into it, that's all."

"Poor guy."

From the lighting on his profile, she couldn't tell if he were really feeling sorry for the guy or relieved. She didn't want to play that game.

* * *

She woke up two hours before her alarm went off. Turning to her left, she was glad to find him lying there by her side. His breathing was shallow. He looked peaceful when sleeping. She tenderly reached out a hand and touched his face. Letting her long finger trail down his cheek, over the subtle bump of his high cheekbone, she allowed herself a smile.

He was indeed a handsome man.

She made some coffee, poured herself some and let the rest brew in the pot. He should be up soon.

Glancing around with the warm mug safely cupped in her hands, she realized with a start that they had been living together for more than two years. Third year was approaching. Together, they had been living like a couple. They acted like a couple. They ate together. They shared household duties. They would occasionally go out to eat, on dates, to the theater. They would hold hands. They would kiss. They would make love.

But they never talked about their feelings. They never talked about what the future held. They never knew what exactly the other was feeling.

That was the pact they had made after bringing the Syndicate down. After all the members were put away for good. After Professor Agasa had been killed. After Ayumi and Mitsuhiko were caught in the explosion. After Kogoro Mori caught the bullet for his daughter and wife and died in their place. After Ran cursed Shinichi, slapped him more than once, eyes filled with tears and hatred, and swore to never see him again. After she moved away with her mother.

After Shinichi and Shiho realized they had no one left. Shinichi's parents wanted him to move to America but he declined. Japan was his home. That's when she moved in. She had no where to go. He had no company. Together, they promised to become friends with benefits to relieve them of their lonesome.

No strings attached.


	2. Chapter 2

He looked up from his papers and glanced toward the clock situated on his work desk. It read 5:30 PM. Letting out a small sigh, he reached up a hand to pull his reading glasses from his face, revealing his bright azure eyes. They felt tired and he rubbed them, then leaned back and stretched his arms behind his back.

Shinichi had had a long day. Cases after cases. So many opened ones. He silently cursed the department's head for being too greedy and taking up way more than they could handle, and now it's up to the detectives to sort through them tirelessly to decide which ones and how many each one should take.

The sun was slowly descending outside his window, tiny rays were trying to squeeze into his musky office. He reached over and turned on a lamp.

He suddenly felt so tired and just wanted to go home and take a nap. Then he remembered.

He had a date tonight.

Standing up from his seat, he organized his papers into neat piles, picked up his suitcase and gently placed them inside. He'd take a look at them tonight before bed.

Just then, another detective knocked onto his slightly ajar door.

"Hey," he said. Shinichi glanced up.

"Hey" was his reply.

"The guys are gonna go grab a drink now. Wanna come with?" He gestured with his head toward a bunch of others standing in the lobby. All in dark suits.

Shinichi shook his head then grinned. "Can't. Got a date tonight."

The other's eyes lit up. "Oh man, is she hot?" he asked.

Shinichi clasped his suitcase closed. "Very," he replied, smirking.

Shiho combed her wet hair that matted against her forehead as her bright green eyes ran over the words on a piece of paper swiftly. She did a report tonight on an experiment and somehow she wasn't very satisfied with the results.

A frown made its way onto her pretty face as she kept reading. Then, she put down the comb and pulled the paper closer to her. There was definitely something off here… As her train of thought was running wildly, the sound of an opened door startled her.

Turning toward the sound, she stood up, fixed her robes and walked downstairs.

Shinichi closed the door behind him, glanced up at her and grinned.

"Hey, how's your day?" he asked.

She followed him into the kitchen. "Decent," she replied. "How's yours?"

"Typical" was his reply.

She sat down in a kitchen chair and watched as he poured them cups of tea. She thanked him and brought it up to her lips. Jasmine.

He was struggling today to get his tie off. She stood up, walked toward him and placed her hand over his shoulder.

"Let me," she said softly. His hands stilled and she took over.

Her soft, pale hands worked their magic swiftly against the knot and before long, the black tie came loose in her hand. He was watching her the entire time.

Then, out of the blue, he leaned down and kissed her.

It was so perfect and unexpected that she didn't have time to react. Before she knew it, he pulled away with a smirk on his face. His cologne dangled in the air.

"Thanks," he said, took the tie from her and walked away. She didn't move.

"I guess it's the adrenaline," he was saying as he walked up the stairs to their bedroom. "Usually, I'm good at this tie business but I suppose the date unnerves me."

She felt shattered. Right, he had a date tonight. Not with her. With an unknown woman.

Shiho followed him into the bedroom. He wasn't there. The shower was turned on. She sat down on their neatly made bed. Her hand tenderly reached out and caressed the blankets. Maybe tonight they would make love. Maybe these blankets wouldn't look so perfect then.

A sigh escaped her lips. She stood up, walked toward the dresser, picked up the hair oil and started oiling her smooth locks. The woman staring back at her from the mirror seemed so alienated.

The shower shut off. She didn't know how long she'd stood there. He walked out in his white robes, rubbing his dark, wet hair with a towel.

"I have three more cases today," he said as he was trying to pick out his outfit for tonight. "The other ten are still unsolved so I don't know how I am going to do this."

"You'll figure it out," she said.

"They need a better system actually," he sighed. He'd picked out a black shirt, black pants and blue tie that complemented his eyes.

She allowed herself a small smile. "You'll look handsome in that," she said.

He looked back with a playfully hurt look in his eyes. "Are you saying I don't normally look handsome?"

"More handsome." She almost laughed but refrained herself.

"Who is she?" she blurted out before she could stop herself.

He was looking for his shoes now. "Just a coworker," he replied. "She helped me with a case before. It was a tough cookie and we had to stay late on lots of nights."

She remembered those nights when he didn't come home. Different scenarios played in her head, almost drove her crazy then she had to calm herself into thinking that she's a very rational and logical woman. Her head ruled, not her heart.

"So you asked her out to return the favor?" she asked.

"If you want to put it that way." He was changing. She didn't blink. It wasn't the first time she saw him naked.

"Do you like her?"

He paused briefly, then, "She's a nice girl."

"I see." Shiho stood up and walked to the landing leading to the stairs. "I'll be in the study. Lock the door when you leave."

He didn't say anything and she left the door wide open.

Suzy was a beautiful woman. Her dark straight locks fell neatly to the small of her waist. A couple of strands fell around her oval face and framed it in such a lovely way. Her bright azure eyes just like his sparkled with laughter as he was retelling a story.

"And I thought he'd let it go," she said laughing. Her laughter was shrill.

She reached out for her glass of wine. Her long slender arms were naked. The red dress hugged her curve charmingly. The way she casually flicked her dark hair behind her shoulder came off seductively. He knew he shouldn't be thinking like that because they were coworkers but he couldn't help it.

She looked like _her_ and he just couldn't help it.

"Thanks again for helping me with that case," he said as he cut into his steak.

The waiter came out again with a bottle of wine and politely filled her glass. Shinichi put up his hand as the waiter asked if he wanted more.

"You're very welcome," she said smiling. Her glass of wine was dangling near her bright red lips. Her eyes were half lidded. "This is a very fancy way of saying 'thank you' by the way."

He grinned. "The least I can do."

Then, their legs touched.

It wasn't a casual passing of limbs. Her long slender and pale legs brushed against his dark trousers in a way that couldn't be mistaken as an accident.

He looked at her. Her eyes were still half lidded and she had that mysterious smile on her pretty lips. She was folding her arms on the table, leaning forward. The illuminating candle was the only thing that separated them.

He leaned in for a kiss.

It was quick. When he pulled back, she looked surprised but recovered quickly. Then, she reached out her hand and placed it on his. It was a gentle touch.

He smirked.

Her lovely smile broadened.

Shiho put down the papers, took off her reading glasses and massaged the bridge of her nose. Her cup of macha tea was empty. She looked at the clock in the study. It was a bit past midnight. She checked her phone. No message or call from him.

She threw the phone onto the sofa, got up and walked out, slamming the study's door behind her.

The bed was cold and she almost cried herself to sleep.

She awoke to the sounds of running water.

Shiho opened the door to the bathroom and here he was, taking a shower in the steaming room. She leaned against the door's frame for a bit then left.

The clock read 9 A.M. She rubbed her eyes. Then the shower shut off.

When he stepped out, she didn't bother saying a word. Instead, she got up from the bed with her clothes in her hands and made a beeline to the bathroom.

He grabbed her elbow.

"Hey," he said.

She glanced at him. "What?"

"Are you okay?" he asked. It didn't take a detective to see she was not fine.

"Of course I'm okay. What kind of a question is that?" she said. Her elbow was still in his grasp.

He peered at her. "You look more pissed than usual," he replied.

"Are you saying I look pissed all the time?" she blinked.

"Yes, but more so today." Then he grinned and she felt all her anger evaporated.

She hated the magic he had on her. She knew what he did last night. Where he had gone. Who he had gone out with. Why he didn't come home.

But she couldn't say anything because they were just friends.

The benefits part didn't make her his priority. She would never be his priority.

His priority was miles away, worlds away, lifetime away.

Shiho shrugged her elbow free. "I'm late for work," she said then stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind her with shaking hands.

He didn't see those hands.

* * *

Shiho decided to take a long walk today in the park along the river.

It was autumn. Beautiful weather.

She was beautiful, she knew. She was smart. Everyone said so. She could have any pick. All her male coworkers had a crush on her. She had a lot of suitors but turned them all down.

For one guy she couldn't have.

Sometimes, she wondered if she's really this weak. She never fully understood how the heart worked. How it could override the brain. She was a very logical woman yet here she was, suffering the same heartbreak as a high schooler. She had to laugh at that.

The earphones were in her ears, playing soft music in the background and she let her mind wonder. She had trained her brain so well that it could stay focused on one task for an unlimited time but now she wanted it to relax, to just run wild into the fantasy world.

Right now, she just wanted to feel human.

It had been three months since the night he didn't come home. Shinichi and Suzy had been dating that long. Three months. Shiho knew it wasn't technically very long but she felt that he had been quite committed to her. He had been going on various dates but no date had ever turned into anything serious.

This one did. Meaning Shiho no longer held any importance in his heart.

Every since Suzy became his girlfriend, Shiho felt uncomfortable living with him even though Shinichi insisted that she do. She felt embarrassed whenever Suzy was around. They had stopped the whole friends with benefits as soon as he started dating her. Props to him for being loyal, Shiho had thought. That's why she decided to move out.

She couldn't stand seeing him with another girl.

And she could see why he was so drawn to Suzy. In a way, Suzy looked like Ran, shared some of his old flame's characteristics. Even the way Suzy laughed reminded Shiho of how Ran used to laugh. She briefly wondered if Ran ever laughed anymore.

Shiho stopped in her tracks. Her face felt cold and wet. Then she realized she was crying.

It had been three months. This was it. Shinichi would never come back. He had found her replacement, his solace in Suzy. He no longer needed Shiho.

She felt shattered inside. It was then that she fell to the ground and sobbed with her gloved hands covering her face. Her shoulders shook violently in the wind.

Luckily, no bystanders were around. The weather was too cold at this time.


	3. Chapter 3

He supposed first love never died.

Even when he had his arm wrapped around the beautiful Suzy's shoulders, his mind was somewhere else, on _someone else_. He felt guilty for thinking like that, for even daring to allow himself to feel that way.

He just couldn't help it.

"Shinichi?"

He snapped out of his reverie and glanced at the girl next to him. Her usually bright azure eyes were suddenly a shade darker now as she looked at him. His arm around her shoulders automatically tightened.

"Yes, Suzy?" he said, managing a smile.

"Are you even listening to what I've been saying?" she asked with that small frown on her beautiful features.

"Of course!" Shinichi nodded.

"Well then, what did I just say?"

 _A test, huh?_

"Your father." He said. "You wanted to visit him this coming Christmas but you still can't bring yourself to forgive him for what he did years ago."

She looked impressed.

"But I think you should," he continued then paused. "Ran..." _No I shouldn't use her name._ "A friend of mine had a father like that. Well, technically he never cheated but he liked pretty girls, so of course his wife couldn't stand that. Neither could his daughter."

 _I should stop thinking about her now. Why did I bring her up?_

"But they forgave him at the end," Shinichi finished. Suddenly, his mouth felt like sandpaper.

"What did he do to deserve their forgiveness?" Suzy asked, clearly interested now.

 _He took a bullet for them._

"He just changed his way, like your father did. He remains single ever since the divorce, right?" he asked.

Suzy nodded. "Yes, but who knows if he's had girlfriends. But anyway, I probably should visit him." She looked up at the sky. "After all, I'm all he has."

Shinichi looked to his left at the dark river. "And I'm all she has…" he muttered under his breath. His voice was barely audible that Suzy, who was practically glued to his side, couldn't hear him.

x

"Hello?"

"I figured you'd still be awake."

Shiho glanced at her watch then spoke into the phone. "It's kind of late for a check-up call, don't you think?" She stood up from her chair at the desk that was littered with documents, walked toward the couch and flopped down on it, pulling her legs up under her.

She's glad he called. She treasured these phone calls, though of course she'd never admit that.

"Well, considering you're a night owl, I don't think this is late," he said. His voice was loud and clear so she believed he wasn't with his girlfriend.

 _Maybe back at his place? In his studies?_

"So to what do I owe this pleasure, Great Detective?" She started playing with the hems of her nightgown.

"Just wanted to see how you're doing. Been kind of a while since I last talked to you."

"We text."

"But it's not the same, right? I mean, I haven't heard your voice in quite a while."

It's true, she thought. They hadn't really seen each other that much since she moved out. The only real form of communication they had was through messages. She had to admit she missed his voice, too. It had gotten a bit deeper now that he's older.

"Are you telling me that you called just to hear my voice?" she said, smirking.

He laughed. "In a way, but also…"

She knew something was troubling him. He never did anything without a reason.

Just like a pact they once had.

"I was with Suzy today. We were walking around the park," he was saying. Shiho looked up at the ceiling. "A topic about her father was brought up, but long story short, I realized… that I'm all you have."

A pause.

A pause too long for his comfort, so he spoke up, "Say something."

"What do you want me to say?" she said quietly. Really, _what_ did he want her to say? To beg him to be hers? Absolute nonsense.

"Move back here with me."

Those words were like daggers that cut into her throat, forever impairing her ability to speak. She was at an utter loss for words.

When she decided to move out, he tried so hard to get her to stay but once she made up her mind, she wouldn't back down. She stood by her decision and no matter what he said, she wouldn't change her mind. She wasn't a headstrong woman for nothing.

The topic was never brought up again until now.

She sighed into the phone. "I can't. You know I can't," she said.

"I'm all you have, Shiho, and to be frank, I'm worried about you living by yourself."

"This is a good neighborhood. This apartment is great. The neighbors are nice and considerate. I fail to see where the problem lies. And I've been living here for months now without any incidents."

 _Why does he want me back? After all this time? Could it be…_

"I'm still worried," he said. "Who knows what the future holds. Something could've happened tomorrow or the next day. You never know."

"Heh, maybe I should find myself a man then."

A pause.

"But you already have one."

She was taken aback by his response.

"Shinichi…" She gripped the phone harder. "You shouldn't be saying these things. You have a girlfriend. I…" _I what?_

"As a friend," he said quickly. "Suzy won't mind you living with me I'm sure. She knows you have no family and that you're a real loner. If we could just… you know leave out _that_ part then I'm sure it won't be a problem."

She almost smirked. _Shinichi, you're so naïve for a great detective._

"It won't work," she said softly. "You don't understand, Shinichi. No matter how you put it, your girlfriend won't be happy knowing there's another girl living with you, unless that girl is family, and I'm no family to you. And she knows that."

He sighed. "Are you asking me to break up with her?"

She made a noise.

"You're putting words in my mouth. Are you just using me as an excuse to break up with her?" Her heart was racing.

Shinichi and Suzy's anniversary was coming up. They had been together for almost eight months now.

 _Is eight months his limit?_

When she didn't hear a response from him, she pressed. "Shinichi, do you want to break up with her?"

A pause.

A pause too long for her comfort, and when she was about to ask again, he answered. "No."

There was a lump formed in her throat and suddenly she felt annoyed.

"Then why-"

"Forget it," he said abruptly. His voice so stern and cold that it took her by surprise. "Forget I ever said that," he continued. "But I really meant it when I said I'm worried about you, so you know the offer still stands. There are a lot of extra rooms in my house, you know that. Whenever you have a change of heart, let me know."

She composed herself. "Of course."

Another pause, then "Good night, Shiho."

"Good night, Shinichi." And the line went dead.

She held the phone loosely in her hand, her eyes staring straight ahead at the white, bare, undecorated wall.

Millions of thoughts were running wildly through her mind.

x

Higo was a great man. She met him at a soccer game. More like, she was being a faithful fan cheering him and his team on. Shinichi was with her. Of course so was Suzy. Suzy wasn't a soccer fan like Shiho had thought. Clearly, she was only there because either Shinichi made her or she had nothing better to do or she wanted to make her boyfriend happy.

Either way, Shiho thought Suzy could put in more effort, because during the whole game, the girl was simply on her phone. Her long slender fingers scrolled down on the screen mindlessly with a bored expression stitched on her face.

Shinichi didn't seem to mind, however. He was very much into the game. Occasionally, he'd leave to buy them food and drink, and during those breaks, it was so awkward between Shiho and Suzy. As if the latter really knew of the true nature of their relationship. Shiho could tell the girlfriend didn't like her. Not even one bit.

 _So much for moving in with you, Shinichi… She'd murder me in my sleep._

Higo didn't recognize her adult form. As a matter of fact, they barely had any interaction at the game. He only flashed a huge smile her way once and she thought that was just a coincidence.

It was only after the game that they managed to bump into each other.

No matter where Shinichi was, what form he's in, what he was doing, who he's with, he always _always_ managed to attract murder.

Higo's manager was framed for a murder he didn't commit. If said manager were put away for good, Higo's team would be at a loss at what to do since there was talk of them emigrating to a better playing team.

So Shinichi stepped in.

To say Inspector Meguire was eternally grateful was an understatement.

This was a big case. It made national news the day it happened, and Shinichi just happened to be there, easily solving it like it was a child's game.

Suzy looked on in boredom. Occasionally, she'd glance over at Shiho and the latter would return her stare.

"What?" the scientist would ask, and the black-haired woman would just shrug and walk away.

"That was impressive!" Higo had said at the end when everything fell into its rightful place in the puzzle. He was utterly impressed. His eyes sparkled and his dazzling smile danced on his lips.

"It's nothing," Shinichi had said, grinning while scratching the back of his head. Suzy was holding his hand. Shiho stood by herself. "Only if the cases that I'm currently working on were this easy…"

"Easy? I don't know how you got to that conclusion so fast!" Higo had replied, looking awed.

"Playing detective has always been his hobby," Shiho had said idly. The soccer star turned to look at her, and just like that, their fates were intertwined.

Shinichi should have been happy for her. For them. For _everyone._

After all, they all got their respective partners. And he's sure Higo would make Shiho so much happier than _he_ ever could.

But strangely enough, he felt a knot in his heart. Unexplained. Unfathomed.

He hated this feeling so much. He hated not being to rationalize something logically.

But the feeling was there. Stubborn and poisonous and not going away.

* * *

 **a/n** : Fear not my readers! This story isn't abandoned I can promise you that! It might take a while but I do not want to leave any story of mine unfinished, so I will definitely finish this. Well, I hope you like this chapter, and thank you so much for staying with this story this long. Truly appreciating ya'll :) Now, if you would be kind enough to leave a r-e-v-i-e-w, it would certainly make this author so _very_ happy.


	4. Chapter 4

She stretched out on the couch like a cat. A booklet of documents held loosely in her hand and she let out a small yawn. She was clad in a white T-shirt too large for her size and maroon underwear. Shiho normally wouldn't dress like this, even at home but today's different. She wanted to be completely comfortable and besides…

"What's happening now?"

She glanced over and saw Higo come into the living room, hands holding two cups with steams wafting up and spreading about.

She sat up a bit and turned back to the TV screen. "They're still being ridiculous dummies," she answered lazily, nodded thanks at him as he handed her a cup of tea. Jasmine had always been her favorite.

The soccer star sat down on the other end of the loveseat with his own cup in his hand. She lifted her long, slender legs and let them fall onto his laps after he situated himself comfortably. His free hand softly caressed her smooth pale skin.

"They still haven't figured out that their friend's actually the murderer?" Higo asked incredulously, blinking. "I'm not a detective but even I can see through his trick!"

Shiho smiled. "Well, maybe you're getting better at it than you thought." She sipped her tea. The aroma was comforting. "You've been reading more mystery novels lately now, haven't you?" she asked.

He drank from his cup before answering her. "Yes. To be honest, I've never really been into mystery before I met you-"

"You mean Shinichi," she cut him off softly, a small smile dancing on her rosy lips. "He's the detective freak, not I."

"Right." Higo's eyes twinkled as he chuckled. "It's just the way he reasons and always comes to perfect conclusions amazes me," he said, eyes glued to the HD screen. "We've talked about his novels and he's recommended me some. Initially, I just read them for fun or during breaks, but the more I read the more fascinated I become."

"You guys can definitely become best friends."

He turned to look at her and winked. "Maybe we already are."

She smirked, moving her legs slightly against his pants. "Oh? Should I be worried here? Will the Great Detective steal my boyfriend away?"

Higo laughed. She loved the way he laughed. It was so innocent and delightful. As opposed to how _he_ laughed. You can tell how much a person is suffering even from the way they laugh. _His_ laughter always had a hint of sorrow-

She stopped with a start and mentally slapped herself. She shouldn't be comparing them. She shouldn't even be _thinking_ of _him_ in the first place.

Higo put his cup on the coffee table with a soft _clink,_ pulled her closer to him so that he was half-laying on top of her. One of his hands trailed the outline of her smooth and toned stomach, while the other reached up to brush stray hair out of her face. Looking deep into her bright emerald orbs, he said softly, "No need to worry, dear." His equally green eyes twinkled. "You have absolutely zero competition."

"From him?" she asked, allowing a small smile to grace her beautiful features.

"From _anyone."_ Then he leaned forward and kissed her.

ii.

Shinichi put down his mystery novel and left the study to find his girlfriend.

There was some music coming from the distance and as he was approaching said sound, he realized it was coming from the kitchen and was immediately halted by the sight in front of him.

Suzy was holding a glass of wine in her delicate hand. Her bare feet swiftly moved with the music's soft beats. Her long, _long_ raven locks twirled about her and spun gracefully around her slender figure everytime she slightly swirled.

He couldn't place the name of the song but he knew it wasn't mainstream because he'd never heard of it before on the radio on his way to work.

Shinichi leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed and a small smile graced his handsome features.

Suzy wasn't aware of his presence so she just kept on dancing. Her small feet carried her if as she were gliding on invisible wind.

At one point, he closed his eyes and when he opened them again, he froze.

 _Ran_ was dancing in front of him. Her long, shiny dark locks softly spun about her swiftly. Her eyes closed as if she memorized this routine. A tiny smile was dancing on her rosy, pretty lips…

Shinichi's mouth opened a bit. He wanted to stay that way forever, being in the presence of that _illusion._ He kept his gaze on her.

 _She's so beautiful…_

 _I want to hold her._

He stepped forward- Suzy stopped, spun around and saw him.

"Ah, Shinichi," she said abashedly, quickly turning around to turn off the music.

He stopped in his tracks. Just like that, his _illusion,_ his _Ran_ was gone.

When she turned back, he saw that her face had turned a light shade of red. Suzy gestured toward the opened bottle. "Want some?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No, gotta get up early tomorrow for work," he said as he stepped closer to her. Wrapping his arms around her slender waist, he pulled her closer and let his forehead touch hers. Her bright azure eyes bore deep into his.

"Come on, one glass doesn't do anything," she said with that playful twinkle in her eyes.

He smiled. "You looked beautiful dancing like that."

"I-I didn't think you were watching," she said, clearly embarrassed. He held her close. Their bodies pressed together.

"Have you been taking dance classes behind my back, Missy?" he asked and she laughed.

She leaned in for a kiss. When she pulled back, he could taste the wine. "Dancing is my hobby! I've been dancing for as long as I can remember," she said. "Maybe we should take up a class one day, on the weekend."

"Hm, that's not really my forte."

"It'll be fun! You need another hobby beside those mystery books. And we can invite Shiho and Higo."

He started. Blinking, he asked, "Why?"

"Why what?" She seemed confused.

"You want to invite them. _Her._ You never liked Shiho." Matter of fact.

Suzy studied him for a second then broke off his gaze. She gently removed herself from his grasp. Grabbing her unfinished glass, she brought it to her lips and slowly took sips from it.

"Suzy? Did I say something?" Now it was his turn to be confused, but it was well known to all parties involved, minus Higo, that Suzy wasn't a fan of the young scientist.

She sloshed the liquid around for a bit before replying to him. "It's not that I don't like her," she spoke softly. "It's just… I just feel…"

A pause.

"Feel what?"

She signed exasperatedly. "Competitive."

Shinichi blinked. " _Competitive?"_

"Well." She was being very animated now moving her hands about. "She's smart, beautiful. You guys had been living together for a long time before we started dating. I-I don't know. I just, I feel like there's something you're not telling me. About you and her _._ "

Suzy had a right to be curious or upset even, Shinichi realized. He never told her anything about the relationship between him and Shiho, except that they were very close friends. Mentioning the pact was completely out of the question. Everytime she popped the question about what was going on between him and Shiho before they became a couple, Shinichi always avoided the topic and steered it in a different direction. There was this one time in which he even got upset with her, almost snapped at her for being so curious; after which, he of course apologized for his outburst. It was after that that the topic was never brought up again until now.

"Suzy…" He sighed tiredly. "I thought we already settled this."

"We never settled anything!" She suddenly raised her voice and it startled him. "You never answer the question!"

"Suzy, calm down." Shinichi said, slowly moving toward her with hands put up in a surrender mode. "I think you had too much to drink."

"No!" She stomped her foot. Her face red and her eyes burned. He stopped in his tracks.

"Tell me what went on between you two!" she demanded. Her voice was raised even higher. If they weren't living in such a big single house, he's sure the neighbors would've noticed something's wrong.

"Nothing went on between us!" Now it was his turn to slightly raise his voice to match hers. He continued to walk toward his girlfriend, hands outstretched. "She had nowhere to go so I offered her a place to stay, that's all."

"You mean you never slept with her?"

Shinichi's feet halted for the second time in less than five minutes.

He knew he had to say something. Fast. He could lie like he'd been doing for the past year. Even Shiho lied to Higo about their status. No one needed to know.

What happened was sacred to _them_ only _._ And they would bring it with them to their graves.

However, he stalled for a bit too long. His mind was a jumble of thoughts and he didn't know why he couldn't just scream out the word _No!_ right then and there.

"No," he said. "We never slept together."

But it was too late. His brief silence said it all.

There were tears on Suzy's face. Her face contorted in agony. Her small shoulders trembled. She ran past him out of the kitchen, up the stairs and to their bedroom. The bedroom he had once shared with Shiho. The bed on which _they_ used to make love.

The door slammed behind her.

Shinichi let out a defeated sigh, walked over to the counter, picked up her unfinished glass and drank all of it in one gulp.

That night, lying on the couch in the living room, he could hear her uneven sobs echoing around the old house.

ii.

"Oi, whose lunch is this?"

Shiho snatched the bento box in question out of her colleague's hand. "Mine," she said softly, earning a smirk from him. He leaned in though still gave her perfect personal space and said, "Since when does the genius Shiho pack lunch?" Then feigning a heart attack by clasping his hands over his chest, he made an _O_ with his mouth and said, "Since when does she _cook?_ "

Yuna smacked him lightly on the back of the head, earning a chuckle from Shiho.

"Kou, it's none of your business. Stop being so rude," Yuna said firmly. Kou only laughed.

"But really though," the fellow scientist said curiously, "did you make that?"

"What does it matter?" Shiho asked blinking, to which her colleague shrugged his broad shoulders.

"It's just I _swear_ I never see you bring your own food until today," he said.

"Not just _today,_ " Yuna corrected, giving Shiho a knowing wink. "It's been going on for a while now. You just haven't noticed."

"Eh?"

Shiho allowed a small smile to grace her features.

i.

"Hey, how's the food?"

Shiho took out the bento box from her lunch box, opened it and showed it to Higo. " _So_ good. I finished everything."

He smiled broadly. "I'm glad! So which part was your favorite?" he asked turning back to washing the dishes.

She glanced over at the stove and saw a steaming pot. Walking over, she opened its lid and peered inside.

"Hey, it's not ready yet!" he chided playfully.

She took in its aroma. "It smells delicious."

"Wait until you taste my curry. You wouldn't want to eat it anywhere else." He grinned.

"Octopi," Shiho answered as she pulled the plates and bowls from the cupboard. "My favorite."

ii.

Suzy opened the door and was met with a gray darkness.

"Hello?" she called out to the seemingly empty house while trying to balance some loose documents and a bag in her arms. "Shinichi?"

"In here!" His voice echoed out.

The kitchen, she thought before proceeding toward the sound.

The sight in the kitchen halted her movement at the threshold.

Shinichi was lighting a candle on the dinner table. It was set for two. Two plates of pasta were decorated deliciously. There was a big bowl of salad in the middle, relatively next to the now brightly lit candle. A small basket of breads sat idly nearby. There were two empty glasses of wine sitting opposite each other.

He glanced at her, broke out his handsome grin and said, "Welcome home!"

"What are you doing?" she asked, eyes wide.

"Making us dinner of course. What kind of a question is that?" He strode toward her, bent his head slightly and planted a soft kiss on her lips. There was a twinkle in his eyes when he pulled away.

"You don't cook," she said matter of factly.

"First time for everything." He grinned again then took the piles from her hands. "Here, let me take care of this. You go change and get ready."

Suzy still felt puzzled to the point that she couldn't move, and when he noticed she was still rooted at her spot, he turned and gave her a curious look.

"What's the occasion?" she asked at last.

He shook his head. "None, really. I just wanted to do this."

Suzy took a moment before turning on her heels and walked away.

"What do you want for wine?" he called out to her as she reached the staircase.

"Champagne!"

ii.

"So what did you tell him?" Higo laughed as his girlfriend was recalling a story at work today about a _very_ curious coworker.

Shiho smiled. "The truth. That my boyfriend made it for me, and that it's been going on for a while. You should have seen his reaction."

"Surprised?"

"Correct."

"About what? That I made you lunch?"

Shiho shook her head. Her short hair bounced softly and brushed against her shoulders. "He's shocked that I have a boyfriend."

Higo's eyes widened. "We've been dating for almost _four_ months, that's still news?"

She chuckled, took a sip of her wine, stood up and walked over to him. He looked up at her curiously.

Then, doing something she wouldn't normally do- _let's blame it on the wine and the euphoria-_ she pushed him back slightly, lifted up her long slender leg and let it drape over the other side of the chair, allowing herself to be secured atop his laps, facing him. Their faces were mere inches apart.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him close. A smile danced on his perfect lips, and she touched her forehead to his. There was an illuminating look in her bright green orbs now half hidden behind her heavy, dark lashes.

"No one really knows about my private life," she whispered on his lips. "I'm a very private person. That's why I don't make a lot of appearances with you when there are all those cameras around."

"I know." He said as he leaned in closer but she drew back slightly.

She cocked her head to one side. "I should be worried about all those girls throwing themselves at you when I'm not there."

"Like I said, you have absolutely _zero_ competition."

A small smile stretched out on her beautiful face. "I know. Strangely enough, I trust you."

"That's because…" He suddenly grabbed her slender hips and pulled her closer, earning a gasp from her. Their bodies were almost glued together. She tightened her arms around him, desperately closing the final gap between them. "I don't leave you a reason _not_ to," he said.

Before she could answer, he pressed his moist lips against hers and all sounds drowned out. The only sounds emitting from her throat were the soft, slow moans.

ii.

The music was on. He wasn't sure what song was playing. All he knew was there was a lovely tune in the background, Suzy in his arms swirling with him. Their laughter filled the air. The empty glasses of wine and half eaten dinner sat forgotten on the table. The candle flickered slightly.

Her slender frame fit perfectly in his strong arms as he guided her to the familiar-yet-not-so-familiar tune. He was half convinced he'd heard this song before.

As he twirled her around- for a split second- he saw it was _Ran._

It was _Ran_ dancing in his arms. It was _Ran_ who was laughing. It was _Ran_ who was looking at him with those bright azure orbs. It was _Ran_ with the long, long dark hair pooling around her as she spun to his rhythm.

It was _Ran-_

 _NO!_

He screamed internally.

He could _not_ do this anymore. He could _not_ keep holding onto a forgotten past, a forgotten ghost. She _left_ him. She cursed his name. He _made_ her cry. It was _his_ fault her father was dead.

Shinichi held onto Suzy's waist. She looked at him curiously, and he bent down to kiss her.

His moist lips pressed onto hers hard, surprising her but she quickly recovered, and before long, she had her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him close, deepening their kiss.

 _I'm so tired._

 _I'm done._

 _Suzy deserves better._

 _It was Ran who walked away. Ran left me._

I _deserve better._

As he pulled away, Suzy slowly opened her eyes, and all he saw was just _Suzy._ The only Suzy who had decided to stay with him after learning of his past, of the true nature of his former relationship with Shiho.

Suzy stayed with him despite all the lies he had given her. She stayed knowing that one day he might relapse and the pact would come to life again.

It might not. But there was no telling the future.

He swore to her that would never _ever_ happen, but there was always that doubt in the back of her mind, and to be honest, he couldn't blame her.

After all, his and Shiho's relationship had indeed gone on for three years.

"Thank you," he whispered against her lips as his forehead slightly touched hers. His soft raven hair brushed against her pale skin.

"For what?" she asked.

"For staying. For giving me a second chance."

She smiled at him. "I love you. That's all that matters to me."

Shinichi felt shattered.

He hugged her tightly, pulling her up slightly on her tiptoes, and planted soft kisses on her temple.

"I love you."

* * *

 **a/n:** Thank you _so much_ for all the lovely reviews! Reading them made me _so_ happy, you have no idea! Please keep them coming! :) They are a _true_ motivation, what really helps churning out these chapters (:


	5. Chapter 5

"A party?"

Shiho looked up at the starlit sky. There was a beautiful full moon tonight, encircled by numerous stars. Too many to count.

She looked down at the quiet street that was occasionally disturbed by the sound of a moving vehicle.

Other than that, it was a very peaceful night.

She was leaning against the railing of her balcony on the 10th floor of the apartment complex, clad in her white nightgown that barely reached her knees. Her soft short strands flew gently in the wind. She brought up a hand to tuck some behind her ears, while the other hand was holding a phone.

"Yes," Shinichi's voice said on the other end. "Suzy wanted to do something to celebrate my promotion."

"Congratulations again," Shiho said smiling knowing he couldn't see it. Her voice was as monotonous and bland as ever, so she knew the happy message wouldn't carry through.

"So Chief Superintendent Kudo, I just want you to know that if Higo came, there would be a lot of camera presence around your house, and he might steal your spotlight. Are you okay with that?" she asked looking toward the peacefully sleeping Higo in their bed. His soft brown strands fell messily across his forehead. His dark, long lashes obscured the brilliant green orbs underneath and she smiled.

Shinichi laughed. "Of course! I'm sick of all those cameras in my face all day long at work. They're like vultures. I don't know how Higo does it."

Shiho chuckled. "Me neither."

"So you two are down? It's at 6:00 P.M. so I think both of you should be out of work by then?"

Shiho played with her short hair. "I know I am. Higo sometimes has to stay late to practice, but I'll check with him and let you know the final answer."

"Sounds good."

A pause.

"It's getting sort of late-"

"I've missed you."

Shiho blinked. Her heart picked up speed.

"It's been a _really_ long time since we've talked like this, heh?" Shinichi went on. "Six months? Before you got a boyfriend, we used to text but now that's like nonexistent. It's just like we are strangers now."

Shiho turned around so her back was leaning against the railing with her elbows supporting her. Her eyes fixed onto Higo's sleeping, handsome face.

"Life happens," she spoke quietly. "We both get so caught up with work and our own issues that other things just take a sideline."

"Other things? Are _we_ other things now?"

"That's not what I meant." She sighed. "We're just all so busy now."

"We were never _this_ busy before."

She started noticing how Higo's eyelashes fluttered briefly.

"Shiho?"

She realized with a start that she hadn't said anything.

"What do you want me to say, Shinichi?" she spoke quietly.

"We've been through so much, but recently I feel like we've drifted apart."

Higo stirred slightly.

"For starters, I'm not sure how Suzy feels every time I text you-"

"She's put that all behind her."

 _Has she really?_

"Just because she said she did doesn't mean she did, Shinichi." Shiho sighed. _You really don't know how a woman's heart works, do you?_

"What do you mean?" he said sounding confused. "Clearly, she's moved on. That's why she wanted to invite both of you to the party."

"Are you sure it's not because she _has_ to?" Shiho smirked wryly.

A pause.

" _What?"_

"Never mind," she said coolly. "Higo and I should be able to make it."

Another pause.

"Alright." He sounded defeated. "I'll see you then."

"Yes, goodnight, Shinichi."

"Goodnight, Shiho." And the line went dead.

Shinichi ruffled his dark, unruly hair with his free hand; the other hand held his cellphone. He didn't quite understand what Shiho was trying to say. Obviously, Suzy had moved on. She decided the past was past, and she wanted to get to know Shiho.

He glanced inside the bedroom. He was standing on the balcony overlooking the empty street. The sky above was starlit. The moon was out tonight, unhidden by clouds.

He still heard the sounds of running water; Suzy was still taking her shower. He lifted his head up and stared at the beautiful sky. A dark curtain littered with tiny, countless bright, white dots. Tilting his head this side and that, he was curious as to what shape could be made from these stars.

The water's turned off.

Suzy stepped out of the bathroom clad in only a bathrobe. She was drying her long locks, oblivious to Shinichi standing on the balcony. The young detective pushed himself off the railing and went inside, sliding the door closed behind him.

She looked at him and smiled.

ii.

Shinichi looked down at the commotion going on in front of his house.

A black limousine pulled up right outside his tall, metal gates, followed closely by a herd of paparazzi. Flashlights flashed; he had to blink to get the white dots out of his eyes. Then the driver got out, walked to the side and opened the door. Out stepped Higo clad in dark trousers and a white shirt. He shielded his eyes briefly from the bombarding blinding lights. He then bent slightly and offered his hand to someone inside.

Shinichi didn't need to guess who it was.

Shiho took her boyfriend's hand and stepped out. Shinichi didn't know why but he felt his breath hitched in his throat.

She looked beautiful.

Clad in a casual red dress that fell neatly to slightly above her knees, and hugged her slender figure nicely, complementing her curves, she wore her signature short reddish-brown hair in subtle waves. There was a jade hairpin keeping her stylishly messy hair in place.

A jade hairpin… Shinichi let a small smile cross his face. He remembered how he used to help her with it back then, ages ago. Or at least it felt ages ago to him. He briefly wondered if it was Higo who helped put the pin in place this time, or did she do it herself?

The dress was sleeveless and the cut wasn't too low, just slightly underneath her defined collarbones. And it was lace.

Shinichi closed his eyes for a second, temporarily allowing his mind to run back to _that_ fantasy place. The place he had once shared with Shiho where he got to explore all parts of her body, as she got to do his.

When he opened his eyes again, Higo and Shiho were walking toward his house's entrance. The paparazzi were still following them closely like vultures, but the moment the couple crossed the gates, said gates closed shut behind them, leaving those hungry vultures outside to fend for themselves.

Shinichi turned on his heels and walked away from the window.

Shiho paused briefly at the threshold to the house. All of the memories came flooding back to her. All of the times they had spent together. All the times he had made her laugh. All the times he had made her upset and almost cry. All the times she felt they were going somewhere, though that was only a childish fantasy of hers.

All the times they had made love. She glanced at the grand staircase leading to the second floor, and a memory crawled back to her.

Ages ago, she was upset at him for standing her up at dinner. He didn't call or leave a message. Then she found out he had gone out drinking with his coworkers, male and female equally. There was lipstick on his collar.

As cliché as that was, she knew something happened, but it wasn't her place to say anything. She was so upset though she didn't know why only that one time irritated her so much, she actually slapped him. And before she could run up to their bedroom, he grasped her wrist and pinned her down just right next to that staircase.

She remembered writhing underneath him, but his strength _oh_ his strength even in that drunken stupor was overwhelming. He kissed her hungrily and all her anger evaporated and before she knew it, their clothes were off and he was inside her and-

"Shiho?"

Higo was calling her name. She looked at him, startled at the fact that she wasn't moving. She wondered how long she merely stood there.

"Are you okay?" he asked, concerned.

She cleared her throat and offered him a smile. "Yes. Sorry if I seem spaced out. Those flashing cameras earlier kind of did a number on my vision."

He laughed, pulling her gently along with him into the house. "That's why you need to appear with me more often during those meets and awards so you can get used to them," he said.

She pressed herself closer to him. "Maybe I do."

As they walked into the living room, they spotted the hostess right away.

Suzy had her long, dark locks wound up in a tall ponytail. In fact, her hair was so long that it fell right down to the small of her back, and twirled about in sync with her movements. She was dressed in a beautiful royal blue, sleeveless dress that fell right by her knees. There were glitters on it so the dress was practically sparkling under the light. But it wasn't the kind of sparkle that would hurt your eyes; in fact, it was very pleasant.

As if noticing their arrival, Suzy looked away from a woman with whom she was chatting and her eyes locked with Shiho's.

"Ah, welcome!" she said, breaking out a broad smile that Shiho had never seen directed toward her before. Suzy excused herself and went to greet the couple. "Glad you could make it," she said, hugging Higo first then Shiho.

"It was terrible out there," Higo said. "Those flashlights almost killed our visions."

Suzy chuckled. "I can imagine."

"There you are. I see the vultures finally left you two alone."

Higo turned around first, grinning widely, and extended his hand. "Shinichi! Congratulations!"

The dark-haired man smiled, took the soccer star's hand and squeezed it tightly. "Thanks! Glad you guys made it."

Then his eyes fell on Shiho and his smile widened a bit. "You look beautiful tonight, Shiho."

She suddenly felt a dagger look from Suzy and hoped she wasn't blushing. "Thank you," she said softly. "Congratulations, Chief Superintendent Kudo." Then, that familiar smirk was back on her pretty face, and Shinichi's eyes softened.

He didn't realize he had missed it. Or _her_.

"We have a wide range of wine collections," Suzy said. "So who's in the mood for what?"

i.

Shiho tilted her glass of rosé wine slightly this way and that, studying the small bubbles in her tall, slim glass. They had been here for almost an hour. Higo was stolen from her side by other people who wanted to discuss soccer with him. She assumed they're all fans, and by nodding her head and smiling at him, she gave him a green light to go, letting him know that she's okay by herself.

Maybe that's why he loved her, Shiho thought, taking sips of her wine. She was very understanding and easy-going. He could go anywhere he wanted, with whoever he wanted, as long as he stayed faithful to her. And she knew he was incredibly faithful, because whenever he's out, he would send her messages here and there, letting her know he was thinking of her.

Those messages made her smile and set her heart aflutter.

He was the one who said _I love you_ to her first.

"I suppose we're the only two people here who don't really care about partying."

Shiho looked to her left and saw Shinichi approaching her. He had in his hand a bottle of beer. His other hand dug casually in his dark trousers. They were in the kitchen, and she was leaning against the counter. He stopped a few feet short of her and mimicked her position. They were both facing forward and watching the revelers.

"Shouldn't you be out there?" she asked. "Since you're the star and all that? They're probably going to wonder where you went."

He waved his hand- the one holding the beer- dismissively. "Nah, they won't miss me. I've been gone for almost twenty minutes and no one's sounded the alarm yet. Suzy is totally capable of entertaining them."

She turned and studied his profile.

He looked the same as before. Even though six months had passed in which she hadn't seen him, a couple of texts here and there mainly asking how the other's day went, she realized that he still looked as handsome as ever.

Shiho smiled softly. "Do you have a secret to staying young forever or something? Share with me."

He turned his head and looked at her. The gaze was held longer than she expected, and then he spoke, "You really look beautiful tonight, Shiho."

"Heh." She smirked. "I thought I looked beautiful every day."

He chuckled. "More so tonight."

That was their thing, their banter. He would say something and she would counter it, and he would end up with "More so…"

She suddenly felt her heart tightened.

"How are you?" he asked.

"I'm fine. Just busying myself with work and spending time with Higo." She didn't know why she had to specify that last part.

"I see."

"How are you, Shinichi?"

"Same," he answered. She studied him. There was an air of melancholy around him tonight. Had it always been there? She hadn't seen him in months, so she didn't know when that started.

One thing was for certain though. The melancholy wasn't there six months ago.

She returned her gaze to the guests in the living room.

"You must be thrilled. Being promoted to Chief Superintendent at such a young age is a big accomplishment," she said, taking a sip of her wine.

"I just worked very hard for it," he replied, taking a sip of his own beer. "I'm glad I got to where I am now, though. A lot of people have struggled to no avail."

"Well, you've always been a great and incomparable detective."

He chuckled. "You're forgetting Heiji here."

She started. _Heiji…_ "Are you guys… still keeping in touch?" she asked slowly.

Shaking his head, he said simply, "No."

"I suppose the end of the Syndicate really did drive everyone away from us."

Shinichi was staring into the distance. She wasn't sure if he were really looking at the guests or _through_ them.

"How did we get here, Shiho?" he spoke after a short minute of silence.

She looked at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

He still had that faraway gaze in his eyes. "How come we never officially got together?"

Shiho never thought that question would ever be brought up in this lifetime.

She merely stared at him, completely speechless. The wine glass held loosely in her hand. Other sounds and images drowned away, leaving just _him_ in the completely white backdrop.

"I've been thinking," he went on when she didn't respond. "We've been through so much, since Conan days till the moment the Syndicate was brought down. Then we lived together. We did things together. We were practically a couple, but how come…" Then he looked at her and her chest tightened to the point that it hurt.

That melancholy look was _so_ evident in his dark azure eyes.

"How come we never officially got together?" he finished softly. "What's stopping us?"

"Stopping us?" Shiho was surprised at her ability to find her voice at this point. "It's _you_ who's stopping us." _Where is this bravery coming from, Shiho?_ "There was never anything more because _you_ couldn't move past _her._ "

Then, pushing herself off the counter, she put down the glass on the marble counter. His gaze followed her every movement, and she made sure to hold his gaze as she said her next words.

"Shinichi, you never loved me. You're holding onto me because I am a fragment of your past, of your bygone days. Those days that you shared with _her._ You see in me a happiness you once experienced with _her._ But I'm not _her_ , Shinichi. I will never be _her_. And I can't just be here to keep reminding you of your past and what-could-have-been." She reached out her hand and tenderly placed it on his chest where his heart was. "You need to forgive yourself and move on. Don't put your happiness on hold like this. Don't torture Suzy like this anymore." _And me._ "We all deserve a second chance."

He gripped her hand in his lightly for a second while their eyes melted into each other. It was a very fleeting moment before the gaze was broken off, and he let go of her hand.

Pushing himself off the counter, he took a big gulp of the beer, wiped his mouth on his sleeve, turned to her and smiled. "Come on, Shiho. I think it's time we remade our entrance."

ii.

It was a week after the party. Shiho was sitting in her kitchen, typing away at the computer while Higo was lounging on the couch in the living room, watching a movie. He occasionally came into the kitchen to get a drink and to give her a quick kiss.

The report she was typing seemed impossible to finish tonight, and as she was about to call it a night, her cell phone rang.

It was Shinichi.

She picked up on the third ring. "Hello?" she said.

"Shiho?"

"Yes? Shinichi?" There was something strange in his voice, yet she couldn't place it.

"Shiho." He sounded kind of frantic. "Suzy hasn't been home for the past few days."

She slowly let in sink it. "What do you mean?" she said at last. "Like missing? Is she missing?" Her heart started racing.

"I-I don't know." He also sounded exasperated. "She left work three nights ago, called me to let me know she had a lead on this case she's working on, and that she'd be home late. She wouldn't tell me more about it, and that was the last time I talked to her."

"Last time you talked to her… So it's been three days since you've had any contact with Suzy?"

"Five days now."

Now she understood why he's so frantic. Suzy wouldn't just disappear like this without a reason, without letting him know. She loved him. And also, she's a detective…

The worst scenario popped up in Shiho's head and she had to physically shake her head to get the image out of her mind.

She wondered if this same scenario had occurred to Shinichi as well. She didn't want to poke.

Shiho got up from her chair, walked to the living room. Higo stole a look at her. He looked about to fall asleep but the moment his eyes detected a concerned look on her face, they became alert immediately, and he turned off the TV.

She sat down next to him, the phone still pressed against her ear.

"Have you contacted her supervisors?" she asked already knowing the answer.

"Of course! I contacted everyone, but no one told me a damn thing! I understand it's procedure but this is my girlfriend we're talking about here. I even went straight up to her boss and demanded answers, but he said it's on need-to-know basis only. Bullshit."

Higo was looking at her worriedly. She shook her head.

"What are you going to do now?"

"I am going to find the answers myself," he replied with resolution.

She curled her fingers into a tight fist. "Shinichi, please promise me you'll be careful. _Please_?"

"I promise. I'll keep you up to date." Then the line went dead.

"What's going on?" Higo asked concernedly, and Shiho relay the story to her boyfriend.

ii.

Shiho kept checking her phone relentlessly. At work, at home. Even when she's with Higo, her eyes constantly glanced at the phone's screen, hoping that it would light up.

It never did.

Almost a week from that night went by and she heard nothing from Shinichi.

She stopped by his house occasionally, but the structure itself seemed dark and gloomy. As if the owners hadn't been home for the longest of time. She could detect no light, no live activity in that house. She sighed, tried the doorbell for the umpteenth time. No luck. Again. Then she went on her way.

She tried calling his cell phone as well. It always went straight to voicemail. She didn't want to go to his workplace or contact his supervisors in fear that it might get him into trouble, because who knows if what he's doing right now were even legal?

So the best thing she could do was trying to stay calm, hoping for the best, praying for the best and awaiting his call desperately.

Two weeks passed by. Shinichi was still on the front of her mind. She still prayed every night for his and Suzy's safe return.

She was making dinner one night when her doorbell rang.

Shiho knew it couldn't be Higo, because he said he would be staying with the boys at a hotel over the weekend to prep for this big game that was coming up, so she approached the door cautiously.

Looking into the peephole, her heart almost skipped a beat. She hurriedly took off the chain and yanked the door open.

Shinichi was standing there, at her threshold.

And he looked like a ghost.

"Shi-"

That's as far as she got because he had fallen into her arms, almost sending her crashing to the floor.

"Shinichi!"

There was blood on his white shirt. Dry blood. His face was sweaty. His wet hair was matted against his forehead, and he truly looked terrible.

She hugged him tightly in her arms. He was breathing shallowly. She didn't know she was sobbing into his raven locks.

 _Thank God you came back to me…_

"Shinichi's back? At your place?" Higo said into the phone.

She glanced at the figure lying on her couch. "Yes," she said. "He looks horrible. He's sleeping now. I tried my best to clean him up without waking him."

"Should we call someone?"

She had thought about that. "Not at this moment," she answered. "We don't know what kind of trouble he's gotten himself into, so I don't want to escalate that further. Besides, we don't know what happened. I'll talk to him when he wakes up and is in a better state of mind."

"Fair enough," Higo said after a brief pause. "Do you want me back home? I don't need to stay with the guys over the weekend. I can tell them-"

"It's okay. I can take care of this myself. You have an important game coming up and you need to practice. Your team needs you more than I do."

"Shiho…"

"It's okay, really," she said smiling into the phone. She knew he couldn't see it but hopefully he could hear it in her voice. "I'll call you if anything happens."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Love you."

"Love you, too."

There was someone calling Higo's name in the background, so Shiho said, "Alright, off you go. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay, goodnight, love."

"Goodnight." Then she hung up.

"She's dead."

Shiho almost jumped out of her skin and dropped her phone.

She spun around and saw Shinichi sitting up on the couch. His elbows rested on his knees. His unruly hair fell to his eyes, obscuring the usually bright azure orbs. He was leaning slightly forward. His hands clasped together.

She didn't know when he'd woken up and whether he'd heard the entire conversation between her and Higo.

Swallowing, she slowly approached him.

"She's dead," he repeated. Completely void of emotions.

She sat down next to him and carefully reached out a hand to place on his shoulder. When he didn't respond to her touch, she gripped his shoulder lightly.

"Shinichi, are you sure?" she asked.

He had on a blank face, complemented by a blank stare in his eyes. He just kept looking straight ahead, as if the white wall in front of him was incredibly enchanting. Then, he said, "Yes."

"What… What happened?"

"I did everything I could. I looked at every possible clue, outcome, resource. At the end, there's only one truth, and it's that she's dead. She's dead the moment she started following the lead."

"Did you tell anyone?"

"No. Not yet."

"But you will, right?"

"I will."

It felt like she was talking to a robot.

"Shinichi, I am so _very_ sorry," she said softly. "I'm so sorry." Then she spun him around gently and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into an embrace and burying her face in his thick, dark hair.

He leaned into her without resistance, burying his face in her neck. She could feel his shallow breathing tickling her ear. Strangely, it felt comfortable and easy.

Then, he brought up his arms and encircled her back, pulling her closer.

That was when she should've pulled away, but she didn't.

His hand travelled lower and when it reached the waist of her pants, it slowly slid inside.

She sucked in a breath. Her mind was screaming at her to pull away, to tell him to stop, to push him away.

She did none of those things.

Then slowly, he pushed her back onto her back and before she knew it, she was under him. Her eyes bore into his and for a split second she almost didn't recognize the man staring back at her.

 _You need to stop this! NOW!_

He bent down and kissed her neck. She uttered a soft moan. Her mind wanted to resist. It was screaming at her, and her body was fighting against it. Her arms reached up, wrapped around his neck and drew him in closer, closing the final gap between them.

Then, her mind won.

"Wait, Shinichi…" she said breathlessly. "We… We can't… I-I can't…"

 _Higo…_

He looked at her and suddenly, she recognized the man in those blue orbs after all. The man she had fallen in love with. The man she had dedicated her life to for so long. The man she knew she could never have.

Then he leaned down and pressed his moist lips against hers, drowning out her moans, her rational thoughts.

At the end, her body claimed the final victory.

At the end, he was inside her, and she remembered thinking about nothing at all.

She knew before she even woke up, before she even reached out to confirm her suspicion.

Shinichi was gone. The spot next to her was cold and empty.

She opened her eyes and it was true. Her clothes were on the floor. She had a jacket over her naked frame. His maybe. Or hers. Who knows anymore?

Some dim rays of sunlight were trying to get through the cracks in her curtain, and she could tell even without looking at the clock that dawn was breaking. Another day was coming.

And for the first time ever in regards to this unhealthy relationship between her and Shinichi, Shiho allowed herself to be completely vulnerable and to cry. She curled herself into a fetus position and pulled the jacket closer.

Tears streamed down her rosy cheeks endlessly, and she made no effort to wipe them. Her sobs echoed throughout the empty, dark apartment.

Her phone on the table made a _ding!_ sound, signaling an incoming of a message.

It was Higo and it read:

" _Good morning, gorgeous."_


	6. Chapter 6

**a/n:** very sorry for the long wait! hope you'll like this chapter! please let me know what you think. thanks so much for reading!

* * *

Every channel Shiho tuned to, there was always the face of Suzy staring back at her.

A well-known, dedicated, acclaimed server of the public had fallen. That's what the caption read, accompanied by a pair of serious eyes looking straight back at Shiho.

She involuntarily swallowed and had to fight the urge to turn off the TV.

They didn't go much into detail behind her death, but there _he_ was, up there, facing a sea of reporters. His face was solemn and if she weren't mistaken, she thought his eyes had a dead look in them.

It was live and he was answering questions.

A reporter asked, "What are the circumstances behind her death? How come no one looked into it until two weeks later?"

He said, "We started the investigation as soon as we realized she had gone missing. The whole department worked hard day and night in search of her."

Another asked, "So what are the circumstances behind her death?"

He said, "She had a lead on this big case she was working on and she worked diligently. Little did she know it was way over her head."

"So what was this big case about?"

Shinichi paused briefly. "An embezzlement. The higher ups of a news network had affiliation with the mafia and they had been embezzling the money to them. Said money were used to finance terrorism. Su- Detective Kuzaki had her suspicions. She went to her supervisors the moment she came upon a lead, but they told her to bury it, to forget it." The color blue of his eyes darkened a shade. "As it turns out, they were also connected to the whole terrorism. They had been funded as well in order to look the other way. Detective Kuzaki couldn't do that. She stayed true to her path. She… She followed the lead on her own, and she paid the price with her life."

Cameras flashed. Shinichi looked away for a split second before returning his emotionless gaze to the hungry vultures in front of him.

Shiho sat back on her couch and thought about what he said before he started looking for Suzy on his own.

No one told him anything. Even though it was on a need-to-know basis, Shiho thought he deserved to know at least a little bit about the case his girlfriend- _dead_ -girlfriend was working on. She didn't know how he managed to find out the truth about it, who had helped him. Was he on his own?

Those two weeks that he was gone, what happened? Was he solely just working on Suzy's disappearance or was he working his other cases as well?

She didn't know.

She could've had her answers only if she had picked up the phone.

Shinichi had been calling her for the past few days, leaving her messages but she forced herself to not answer.

She had also been distancing herself from Higo. He could see something was off but because he had an important game coming, most of his energy was focused on said game, and less on her.

She internally was grateful for that. It gave her time to think about what to do next.

She didn't want to break it off with Higo. She loved him. She realized she did after that horrified mistake that she made; her tears were proof of that overwhelming guilt. Though at the same time, she felt it was not fair at all to Higo.

And she knew he loved her unconditionally. When's the next time she would find a man like that? It's definitely selfish of her, but after all she was human. The best thing she could do right now was to make the best choice for all parties involved.

The reporters asked more questions, about how Shinichi managed to find out the truth and how he brought down a whole chain of corruption.

"It's not finished yet," he said, "it's a work in progress. But I have faith in our department, in a handful of officers with whom I've been closely working, that they are pure and uncorrupted and devoted to serving the public. We have been each other's partners for as long as I can remember, so I trust them completely. There's more work to be done, of course, and I am determined to see it through. I want every single corrupted cop brought down and face justice. They have to pay for what they did to Suzy."

He said her first name, Shiho thought. Not _Detective Kuzaki,_ just _Suzy._

From what she could gather, Suzy's supervisors had a hand in her death. They realized she was too close and they had to finish her off.

Shiho blinked. _He really has the worst luck with love._

Suzy loved him. So much. Shiho could tell. Suzy learned of their past, knew she was lied to, yet she still stayed with him and forgave him.

Even Ran couldn't do it.

Then it was over. Another Superintendent took over Shinichi's spot; the latter went inside the headquarters. Cameras flashed relentlessly.

Her cell phone vibrated, causing her to jump slightly.

It was Shinichi.

 _Don't answer._

She flipped the phone upside down. The vibration stopped after a few seconds. Then an alert sound of a recorded voicemail came through.

She listened to all of these voicemails and deleted them right after.

Opening the voicemail, she put it on speaker.

"Hey, it's me again." His voce came through, as clear as water. She closed her eyes. "This is probably the twentieth message I've left you. I just had a field day with the reporters. I'm sure you're watching now. But anyway, I just want to say…" He trailed off. She opened her eyes. "I just want to say I'm sorry," he continued. "I-I shouldn't have done that to you, and now it's a mess, I know." He sighed. "I'm sorry. If you could just pick up and call me back, that would make me very happy, Shiho." Another pause, then, "Well, goodbye." _Click._

It was similar to the previous nineteen messages. Her fingers automatically found the _delete_ button and the message was gone.

There was the wake.

Shinichi personally left an invitation in the mailbox of her apartment. Higo was of course also invited.

Shiho found it interesting that Shinichi hadn't tried to show up at her place yet, but thinking that it may be due to the fact that she and Higo were living together, he didn't want to worsen the situation.

He had tried to show up at her workplace, and so far she had managed to successfully avoid him.

"How's Shinichi doing?" Higo asked over dinner one night.

"He's coping in his usual Shinichi way," she answered before putting a spoonful of rice in her mouth and started chewing.

"Have you been talking to him?"

"Yes, why do you ask?"

"No reason. I just feel like he probably needs you the most right now."

"He needs _any_ type of support right now," she said. "He's just busying himself with work. And we do talk. You just aren't here when that happens."

"Does he work nights now or something?"

"Yes. He's been staying very late lately at work. You heard about the whole corruption, right? He's working very hard to get justice for Suzy."

Higo shook his head. "Poor guy."

"So when is this wake?"

She looked at him and said, "Sometimes next week, I believe."

She wasn't even present at her own parents' wake. She wasn't sure if they even had one or even a proper burial.

* * *

Shiho found herself surrounded by a lot of black. Black clothing, black atmosphere. It reminded her of the Syndicate, and for a moment she forgot to breathe, her mind instantly was pulled back into the painful gallery of her past.

Higo squeezed her hand and she found her breath again.

There were a lot of important people here as well. All belonged to the police department. Suzy was well liked. She was a model detective, always staying on her path and sticking to her instincts. Shiho had to admit she never fully tried to get to know the girl, partly because the latter sort of despised her. Now, Shiho wished she had.

Shinichi was talking to a man in black. Then his eyes befell her when she and Higo crossed the threshold. She didn't know how he was able to detect her presence that fast. She sucked in a breath.

He excused himself and walked over to them. Shiho started sweating. She squeezed Higo's hand subconsciously. Her boyfriend glanced at her curiously.

"Our condolences," Higo said as Shinichi approached them. Reaching out his hand, Higo wrapped it around the detective's extended one. "We're very sorry about what happened. Please let us know if you ever need anything."

"Of course," Shinichi said solemnly. He threw a look at Shiho but it was very fleeting. She looked away.

"We'd like to pay our respects now," Higo said.

"Yes, this way."

"Thank you for coming," Shinichi said as he led them toward a small room in the back of his house.

It was open casket. Shiho looked down at the peaceful sleeping face of Suzy, knowing she would never wake up again. Her pale skin seemed soft to the touch. She had light makeup done. Her long, long, straight dark hair fell to below her breasts, almost reaching her belly button. Her hands clasped over each other. Her red lips seemed very still. Her long dark lashes were curled and unmoving.

Suzy was beautiful in life. Now in death, she was eternally youthfully beautiful.

Shiho suddenly felt dizzy.

"Are you okay?" Higo asked concernedly at the sight of her pale complexion.

She nodded slightly. "Yes, I think I just need some water." Then, she excused herself and walked toward the kitchen. Her feet carried her there purposely.

Of course Shinichi would be there.

He handed her a glass of water after she explained what happened.

"You look really pale," he commented. She nodded and finished the drink in one gulp.

"And apparently very thirsty," he said raising an eyebrow. She handed him the empty glass and was about to walk away when he grasped her wrist.

"You're avoiding me," he said. It wasn't a question; a mere statement. She tried to break free but his grip was strong and she didn't want to cause a scene.

She lowered her arm so his fingers locking around her slender wrist wouldn't be seen by other scrutinizing eyes.

"You know the reason why," she replied bitterly. "After what we'd done, how could I face you again?"

"It's not the first time."

"But it happened right after Suzy's dea- passing." She struggled to compose herself. He still had his grip on her. "And I'm with Higo."

He looked at her for a long second before saying, "Do you feel guilty because of Suzy's death or because of Higo?"

"Both," she said through gritted teeth. "I cheated on my boyfriend, Shinichi. Someone who loves me very much. I can't bring myself to tell him, but I don't want to keep lying."

"You lied about your relationship with me to him," he said.

"I didn't really lie." She struggled for words. "I didn't feel the need to burden him with unnecessary details. But this is different!" She lowered her voice. "I _cheated_."

Shinichi stared at her with an unreadable look in his dark blue eyes. "So you think he deserves to know the truth even if it hurts him?" he said quietly.

She flinched. Did she really want to tell Higo what happened and destroy whatever happiness she had left? Higo was the man who had been with her through her ups and downs. He's always there to comfort her in her bad moments, and cheer with her in her happy moments. He loved her unconditionally. She could clearly see it. The only things he asked for in return were loyalty and love.

She loved him, she knew. But loyalty? That had gone down the drain that night.

Shiho swallowed then she realized Shinichi had let go of her wrist. He was still looking at her.

"So would you?" he asked again. "Would you tell him the truth now? Isn't it better that he stays in the dark? Sometimes the truth hurts more than a single lie."

"I…" she faltered.

"As long as it doesn't happen again," Shinichi said, looking away this time. The crowded but silent living room ahead that was filled with incense suddenly seemed very interesting to him. "I won't cross the line again," he said then glanced at her. "So please stop avoiding me. You're all I have left now, Shiho. I can't lose you too."

She felt her heart rip slightly.

"There you are." Higo's voice sounded behind her just as she was about to open her mouth to reply. Shiho turned around and was met with his handsome face with a clean-cut shave and dazzling green eyes. He came up behind her and wrapped his arm subtly around her waist. For a split second, Shiho thought she saw Shinichi's eyes flicker to Higo's arm position before returning to the couple's faces. It was a very fleeting second.

"I've been looking for you," Higo was saying. "I just thought maybe it's time we took our leave? I have an early game tomorrow and you also have work, don't you?"

"Yes," Shiho said, tucking some strands of hair behind her ear. "I have to be at work earlier than usual as well."

Higo reached over and grasped Shinichi's shoulder. "We're always here for you. Let us know if you ever need anything."

Shinichi nodded his thanks. Shiho gave him her tiny, rare smile before turning around with Higo, hands intertwined with his, and walked away from Shinichi.

She doubted the distance between them would be closed again, and that everything would be okay again.

Shiho bit back an oncoming tear.

* * *

She pushed away the omelet and Higo raised his brow from across the table.

"Is it not to your taste?" he asked, sounding a bit hurt.

Shiho shook her head. Her boyfriend had always been the one making breakfast and every morning, he'd make her her favorite omelet and usually she'd devour it in seconds, but not today. Actually, it wasn't the same for the past few days.

She often felt nauseous. The smell of food upset her stomach and raised her acid level. Today, just like yesterday and the day before, she clasped a hand over her mouth and ran toward the bathroom. The door swung open violently, just in time for her to throw herself forward on the toilet and everything came out.

As she was retching, Higo's the one holding her hair and some tissues in his hand. A very concerned look crossed his handsome face.

Shiho leaned back and sat on her hind after she's done. She was breathless. Her breath smelled foul and she still felt nauseous but there's no more urge to vomit.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked softly as she dabbed at her mouth with the napkin that he handed her.

"I'm fine," she answered, looking up to meet his eyes. Two pair of emerald orbs melted into each other before she broke off their gaze.

"You're going to be late for work" was all she said as she stood up, walked out and left him kneeling there.

She knew something was off. She was late on her period. Shiho had attributed it to stress and all the events happening around her, but now that she really had time to think about it, she decided that wasn't a factor at all.

She wasn't just stressed. This wasn't the way her body responded to stress, she knew.

With trembling hands, Shiho reached for the pregnancy test on the counter and suddenly she felt so self-conscious. As if all eyes were watching her, judging her. She quickly made the purchase and left the convenience store. As she was sitting in her car, she looked at the test in her hands and exhaled. Leaning back against her seat, she closed her eyes and bit her lower lip.

After her affair with Shinichi, Shiho never stopped making love to Higo. Their passion was strong and he still made her feel good. During the peak of her orgasms, she managed to shut out her moment of weakness with Shinichi on that fateful night and allowed the guilt to dissipate. But when they're done and she fell neatly next to Higo with her head resting on his chest, listening to his heart beat, she opened the gate and guilt flooded back violently. She would shut her eyes, bite her lower lip and try her best not to make any sound as her petite body slightly trembled. Higo would mistake it for her feeling cold, so he'd pull her closer under the blankets, wrap his arms tighter around her and kiss the top of her head. She would then force herself to think of happy memories or else she'd cry and he'd find out.

Staring at the result of the pregnancy test in her pale hands, she slowly stood up and pulled up her pants. Only when she reached the sink did she drop the test onto the hard, cold tiles and fall onto her knees. Tears kept streaming down her rosy cheeks as she made no attempts to stop them. Her hands were balled into fists. Her body shook violently with each sob. Finally, she let out a wail.

No one was home but her.

* * *

"Hey gorgeous, I'm so sorry but looks like I won't be able to get home in time for dinner. Coach really wants us to run the field more."

Higo was speaking on the phone and Shiho was limply staring into space.

"It's fine. I'll leave the food out on the table for you," she said but she couldn't recognize her own voice.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

A pause. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, why?"

"You sound… distant."

 _Distant doesn't even begin to cover it._

"I'm fine. Sorry, I'm not feeling so well. I think I may have caught a cold."

Another pause. "I love you, you know that right?"

"Yes, I do."

 _Say it or he'll suspect it more._

"I love you too," she said.

"I'll see you soon, princess." Then he hung up.

Her phone dropped onto the sofa and she titled her head backward, her eyes lazily studying the pattern on the porcelain-white ceiling.

 _He thinks you're pregnant, given your performance earlier, and he knows it's his because never in a million years will he ever suspect you to be unfaithful._

 _But you're not faithful, are you?_

 _And it's not his, is it?_

 _Or is it really his?_

 _Want to find out? Order a DNA test._

She leaned forward and put her head in her hands, her eyes closed.

The timing was too coincided. When she made love to Shinichi that night and the following nights she did it with Higo.

Shiho wanted to scream.

The tea kettle was boiling and she stared at the rising steams. A chamomile teabag sat idly in her mug, waiting.

 _You could get an abortion. That'll solve all of your problems. No baby, no headache. Neither Higo nor Shinichi will ever find out, and you'll just go on with your life like nothing has happened._

She turned off the stove and poured hot water into her cup. As she was waiting for the tea to steep, Shiho absentmindedly reached for her cell phone on the sofa and dialed a familiar number that she hadn't contacted in so long. She put it on speaker.

The line went on ringing and ringing, then it went straight to voicemail.

She dialed again and again, and always the robotic voice answered her.

Shiho brought the mug to her lips and took small sips of the tea. Her free hand mindlessly placed on her flat tummy.

* * *

Shinichi hadn't been home.

She had frequented his house more times than she could count. Everytime, she would see the same sight. An unlived space. Dark, gloomy and depressing. The fallen leaves in the front yard were untouched. The curtains weren't drawn. There was this melancholy befalling the once-lively house. Her slender fingers absentmindedly dialed the same familiar number while her eyes passively trailed the outlines of the dark mansion.

A cold gust of wind blew by.

The receptionist at the police station said he hadn't been to work in a while and when Shiho demanded to talk to his boss, all she got was a sympathetic look as he said, "He's currently working a case."

 _So he's working. He's not ignoring you. But why hasn't he answered his phone?_

That night, she was standing on the balcony. The wind was blowing her short hair gently about, and as she brought up a hand to tuck stray strands behind her ear, Higo came up behind her and wrapped his strong arms around her slender waist.

"It's beautiful tonight," he whispered, tilting his head down to kiss her neck.

"Yes."

"You okay?"

"Yes, why shouldn't I be?"

He tightened his hold on her. "Because you seem to be quite distant or lost lately. I feel like everytime we're together, you're not completely present."

"What are you talking about?" She stiffened.

"I can see it in your eyes. There's this faraway look in them so I'm just worried. Please tell me if something's wrong."

She turned around, still embraced in his hold, and wrapped her arms around his brown neck, pulling his face down so his forehead was touching hers. "Nothing is wrong."

The next words lumped in her throat and she had to force them out. "I love you."

"Love you, too." And he kissed her.

It's not that she couldn't say it. The guilt was getting to her. It's getting more unbearable every day that she looked at him, held him, kissed him, made love to him. It made her more nauseous.

The next morning, she was throwing up a whole breakfast and Higo forced her to call in sick.

 _You have to do something. Tell him, get it aborted. Doesn't matter what it is but you have to do something! It's going to be out of your control soon and his suspicions are growing._

"I love you…" she whispered into the pillow pressed tightly against her chest.

Higo was making dinner one night and she was reading a book in the living room when the telephone rang.

"Would you mind getting it, babe?" he called from the kitchen.

She got up from her sofa, walked toward the phone that hung on the wall and picked up the receiver.

"Hello? Yes, this is she."

There was a clang. Higo dropped what he's doing and rushed to the living room.

"What happened?" he asked and his breath hitched in his throat as he saw her sitting on the ground. The phone was dangling from its cord. All color drained from her face.

"Shiho…"

"It's…"

"What?" He was kneeling next to her. "Are you okay? What happened?"

She slowly turned to him. Her eyes were huge and her lips trembled. "It's Shinichi."

* * *

"A coma?"

The neurosurgeon was talking. "The bullet's lodged in his skull; miraculously it only grazed the frontal lobe. But still it's too dangerous to try to get it out. He also appears to be submerged in water for quite some time, so the amount of oxygen deprivation could cause some brain damage. Though right now, his EEG shows normality."

"Is he going to recover?" Higo asked.

The doctor sighed. "There's no guarantee. He's in a coma right now, and sometimes people wake up from it. Sometimes... they don't."

Higo thanked the doctor and the latter left.

Shiho was standing next to Shinichi's bed. He was battered. There were lots of bruises on his once flawless face. She reached out and her fingers tremblingly trailed over his high cheekbones. He was breathing evenly. His chest rose and fell. So peacefully.

"Shiho…"

"I'm going to use the bathroom," she said softly. Her voice sounded robotic and she thought she tasted something metallic in her mouth.

Just as she made it to one of the stalls in the restroom, she threw up. Then she just sat on the ground with her head in her hands. Her body shook as she cried and cried. Her wails echoed around the silent, lonely bathroom.

It had been almost two weeks. And everyday she made sure to visit him.

The respirator was doing his breathing for him. The bruises were still there but she could still see his handsome features underneath. Smiling to herself, she pulled out a book, opened to where she'd left off last night and started reading aloud.

That's their routine. She would visit him, read to him, let him listen to his favorite music, talk to him, hold his hand and simply look at him.

Shinichi's boss had explained the situation. He was fighting against the people who murdered Suzy. He knew the risks and he knew he might die but that didn't stop him. He wanted to get his former girlfriend justice. The bad people were still out there. His work wasn't finished, however, he gave his team a good start and with all the clues he'd gathered with his detectives, one day all of those people would be brought to justice.

"You never change," she whispered. "Always want to play the hero. Putting your life on the line for the sake of others."

"What if…" She placed her hand on her belly. A tiniest bump was unnoticeable to everyone else.

A month went by.

Shiho walked into Shinichi's room and halted in the doorway.

Sonoko was standing next to his bed. She turned around at the sound of Shiho's footsteps.

"Sonoko…"

"Hey."

Sonoko had come to visit Shinichi a couple of times before, and always her and Shiho's interaction was brief, limited to what was necessary only.

"How are you doing?" Sonoko asked. She still had the same signature short brown hair. Only she wasn't wearing a headband anymore.

"I'm good. How about you?"

"Same old same old."

Shiho went to the chair and put down her stuff.

"Do you still visit everyday?" Sonoko asked.

"Yes."

"Never miss a day?"

"I try not to."

Sonoko was studying her longtime friend. "That's the power that Shinichi has on people. He cares so much and those he cares for will do anything for him."

She then turned to look at Shiho. "You and I were never friends but at least we have something in common, don't we? We both care deeply about this detective idiot."

Shiho chuckled. "I suppose we do."

"Take good care of him." She reached over and squeezed Shiho's hand before leaving the room.

Shiho sat down in the chair and looked at the peacefully sleeping young detective. A single tear trailed down her cheek.

* * *

"Shiho…"

"No…"

"Listen-"

"No!"

She yanked her arm from Higo's grasp. Her eyes burned with anger and her face flushed red with fury. Her body trembled slightly as she backed away from him as if he were a murderer coming to claim her life.

"Babe…" he said resignedly.

"You have no right to ask me to do this," she said through gritted teeth.

Higo ruffled his hair tiredly and she realized with a start that he'd developed dark circles under his eyes. His face seemed to be aging rapidly; there were lines forming at the corners of his eyes. His brown hair had some gray in it. Shiho bit her lower lip.

"Babe," he said. "It's been almost two months now and he shows no sign of recovery."

"People wake up from coma all the time," she reasoned. "Even the doctor isn't sure if he would or wouldn't. I'm not giving up."

"I agree." Higo debated his next choice of words. "But you can't torture yourself like this anymore. You're not sleeping. You have nightmares when you do. You spend most of your time in the hospital. You're barely home! I-I miss you."

There it was. The truth. The real reason why he wanted to pull the plug on the life support.

And she knew she was the perfect person to blame.

Suddenly, she felt a sense of clarity wash over her. As if a solution to her dilemma had been in front of her the whole time.

She couldn't save both men. She couldn't save herself.

But there's one person she could save.

She stepped forward and fell into his outstretched arms. Being embraced in his strong arms and inhaling his masculinity, she almost forgot her problems because for once she pretended that his arms were her castle and she was perfectly protected.

"I'm sorry, Higo. I'm so sorry for everything that I've put you through," she whispered into his chest.

He tightened his hold on her.

"It's not your fault, love," he said softly and kissed her head.

She closed her eyes.

That night, she had told Higo she would see him at home so he'd left before her. Now standing in the hospital room with Shinichi lying on the bed, a respirator doing his breathing for him. The bruises were nearly gone. His face slowly healed. She brought out her phone and dialed a number.

A voice answered on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Sonoko. It's Shiho."

"I have a request. A last favor to ask of you," she was saying into the phone as her eyes calmly rested on Shinichi. "You have to contact Ran. You have to make her come back, for Shinichi's sake. No matter what he did back then, he doesn't deserve this. He loves her to the moon and back. He'd die for her, you know that. The least she can do is to be here now, with him, giving him his last moment of peace. I'm sure that's what he'd have wanted very much."

A long pause.

"And remember what you said, Sonoko? 'He cares so much and those he cares for will do anything for him.' You care deeply for him, don't you?"

Another pause.

Then Shiho hung up the phone.

Placing her hand tenderly on her small bump, Shiho smiled contently.

She knew she'd made a right choice.


End file.
